Lately, I’ve been sitting with a question I couldn’t quite shake: What is it I really want? Not in a “what should I be doing with my life?” kind of way – more like a quiet hum beneath everything else. That gentle nudge that says, “Something in you is shifting, love. Pay attention.”
A few months back, the future felt a bit off. Like I was walking forward but something didn’t quite line up. I couldn’t put my finger on it…just this low buzz of misalignment, as if I’d veered a few degrees off course. But now? I’m starting to feel something different. I wouldn’t say I’ve “figured it all out”…who has? But I’m feeling more… content. Not bursting with joy, necessarily. More like my soul’s stopped clenching its fists.
The other day I wrote:
“Me, ten years from now, will have completed my circle of who should be around me.”
And that felt true. Like really true.
I think for a long time I thought desire had to be big and dramatic – chasing dreams, making moves, constantly becoming. But now I’m realising maybe my deepest desire is much simpler. Maybe it’s about building a life that feels like home. A life where I don’t have to shrink or pretend or carry what’s not mine.
It’s not about achievement. It’s about alignment. And mostly, it’s about balance.
Not the kind you get from productivity planners or yoga poses…(though those help, too) but the kind that comes from knowing when to lean in and when to let go. When to speak up, and when to stay soft. When to gather people closer, and when to give yourself a little space.
Balance, for me, is becoming a quiet ritual of returning to myself.
These days, I ask:
- Where did I feel grounded this week?
- What threw me off balance?
- Who brought out the light in me? AND who dimmed it, even slightly?
- What can I release that no longer fits?
- And what one little thing might support me, gently, from the inside out?
Most weekends now, I light a candle or stick the kettle on, and I give myself five or ten minutes to check in. Nothing fancy. Just me, my thoughts, and whatever’s moving through. Some weeks I write loads. Others, barely a sentence. But there’s something steady in the showing up.
One line I come back to often is this:
“I return to my centre. I don’t need to chase or retreat…just gently realign.”
It reminds me that I don’t have to push or prove. I just have to listen. Come back. And breathe.
And here’s something else I’ve learned along the way:
“Your light is not meant to be dimmed so others feel comfortable in your shadow. You were made to grow, to rise, to radiate…even if it unsettles those who preferred you smaller.”
That one hits deep. And while I speak from my experience as a woman…northern-born, soft-spoken but soul-deep stubborn…I know this isn’t just a woman’s story. It’s a human one.
Anyone…man or woman can feel the pressure to stay small, to hold back their truth, to go quiet when their spirit wants to sing.
So, if you’re feeling any of this too…if your future’s feeling a bit foggy, or you’re waking up to something more true within you, then know you’re not alone. Maybe this is your season of returning. Of shedding. Of softening and strengthening, all at once.
And if it is, I see you. I’m right there with you.
Still rambling,
still growing,
always coming back to centre.
Love,
Rambling Mimi